It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
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Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
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I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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