he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
