Your dad touched me again.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
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I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
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Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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