I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
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