You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
