I'm lost and stupid without you.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
