A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
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