Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
