they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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