i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
