You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
