Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
