i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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