If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
