The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
