i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need to sanitize my soul.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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