My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
