I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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