If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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