Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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