Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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