Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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