i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize