Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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