We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize