i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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