dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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