Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm passing your future prison.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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