I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
