Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
