Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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