I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
