Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
