i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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