Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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