he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
two words...techno handjob
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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