phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
