she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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