We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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