At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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