'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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