Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
