FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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