dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
