if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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