Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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