but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize