woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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