just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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