I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
