I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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