Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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