I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
