Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
