This dress was meant to end up on your floor
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
