I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
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The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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