there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
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Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
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Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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