shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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