I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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