matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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