Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
