There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize